Surrender is letting go.

Surrender is diving deep into the unknown.  As I settle into a meditation, several minutes pass and the chatter slows while monkey stops jumping from thought limb to thought limb–surrendering my waking mind to the next layer below.

I see water circling a drain.

It is pulling with great force and creating a vortex.  It gathers momentum and pulls everything within it’s reach down like a mini tornado toward the center.  So the question pops into my monkey mind, “If it’s taking it down, taking it away…then what is the drain?”

What is sucking it all down?  What is it circling to? Where does it all go?  

Unable to resist the pull of the vortex, I surrender and get sucked into the pool. At first, a slow, wide spin then increasingly faster and faster until I’m pushed through to the other side into a dark, deep blackness. 

A silent black void.

Void of light.

Void of sound.

Void of sound that the sound of nothingness becomes audible.

I wait.

In the far, far distance, there’s a small golden light.  Small as a distant star.  I try to focus on it, relieved to see light.  I wait and see if the star will move closer, but as quick as it’s there, it’s gone.  Now, it is just me in the darkness. Alone in the void.  

Nothingness.

I am not afraid.  There’s nothing to be afraid of.  It’s dark and peaceful.  As I rotate around, I can see the vortex that delivered me to the void.  It is off to the side, onyx black, just enough color difference to offset against the nothingness that is the void.

The onyx vortex spins continuously. Wide at the opening where she receives the outer world and quickly narrows to the point of a needle at her base. 

A man appears, well dressed, calm, collected, tailored suit, nice hair.  Think Rod Serling from “The Twilight Zone.”

There’s so many questions for him, yet I know these questions don’t matter here.  He wouldn’t answer them anyway.  He knows that I know that.

So, we wait in silence. I watch the vortex. He’s beside me. We watch it together.

Through my subconscious the question arises,

“What becomes you?”

He’s not talking to the waking me–the man above the vortex. This question is for my true Self, my core being. He’s talking to the man in the void.  

He asks again,

“What becomes you, my boy? Are you ready?”

I don’t answer.  I sit in the stillness. I don’t want to leave.

“What do you make of it? If you leave, where do you want to go?”

 

I’m losing him…

I want to go back home and not be afraid.  I want to take chances.  I want to be brave and bold.  The man turns and tells me,

“You can come back here anytime you’d like.”

I would like that.  I’m okay now.  Gotta go back from where I came–through the vortex, sucked back into present day. Into the now, as much as we humans can describe the Now.

Sucked back to present day where I feel confidence from the imparted knowledge of the vortex and the man.

Let’s go.

Now that’s surrender.  Let’s use it and find what becomes you, my boy.

For more on surrender, check out my previous posts.